How to win friends & influence people

July 4th, 2011 by Slabs | Print How to win friends & influence people

Rating: 5 of 5 ★★★★★ 

The seminal book on understanding how to get along with people.  Written in 1936 and still every bit as applicable today.  Here are the key points:

  1. Don’t criticize or condemn other people.  Try to understand the other person and have empathy, no matter the situation.  Agree with them, recognize their feelings and statements, then move to what you want.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.  The desire to be great is as powerful as that for food, sex, and sleep.  Give people that feeling.
  3. Arouse want in others.  Got a brilliant idea – let other team members think it’s their own.  Think about what other people want when trying to get them to do something.
  4. Be genuinely interested in other people.  Let people talk about themselves and they’ll be interested in you.  Ask questions.
  5. Talk in terms of other peoples interests.  Makes them interested in the conversation when you do talk.
  6. Remember and say peoples names.  The sweetest word in anyone’s language is their own name.
  7. Smile. Duh!
  8. Make other people feel important – admire something about them or that they have done sincerely.
  9. You can’t win an argument. Arguing only entrenches peoples existing beliefs.
  10. Never say “you’re wrong”.  Understand the other sides position.  Disarm them by agreeing with them.  Listen to why they are upset.  Ask questions.
  11. If you are wrong, admit it quickly. Self criticize and admit your mistake.
  12. Have a problem – begin in a friendly way.  Tell the other side how great they are and what is pleasure it has been to do business.  You’d hate for x to be tarnished and thought they should know…
  13. Get the other person saying yes immediately.  Start small and work up to bigger issues.
  14. Handling complaints: let the other side do most of the talking.
  15. Get cooperation: Let other people think the idea is theirs.
  16. Collect past dues: People want to be honest.  If they are paying it’s usually b/c they are upset about something.  Listen to them, appeal to their nobleness, let them name their price, and collect what they will give.
  17. How to criticize:
    • Begin with praise when criticism must be given.
    • Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly.
    • Talk about your own mistakes first.
    • Don’t give orders, ask questions.
  18. How to encourage:
    • Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
    • Give a dog a good name.  Give the other person a good reputation to live up to.
    • Use encouragement – make the fault seem easy to correct.

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